“Sweet are the uses of adversity,
which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
wears yet a precious jewel in his head.”
These brilliant words are from William Shakespeare, reminding us that adversity leaves behind a silver lining. If you can learn to put a positive spin on life’s curveballs, the self-growth that stems from tragedy might just lead you down the path to purpose.
If you are like most people, you are probably familiar with the concept of post-traumatic stress disorder. But there is a possibility that you have never heard of post-traumatic growth.
The term was coined by psychologists Richard G. Tedeschi and Lawrence G. Calhoun at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte in the mid-1990s. Read on to learn more about this and how to nurture post-traumatic growth in your life.
What It Is
Post-traumatic growth (PTG) refers to positive personality change following traumatic life events.
People who experience trauma might grow and change so that they:
- become more optimistic
- have a greater appreciation of life
- shift what their priorities are
- have warmer, more intimate relationships
- have a greater sense of personal strength
- recognize new possibilities or paths for one's life and spiritual development
What It Isn’t
It’s easy to confuse post-traumatic growth with resilience. They aren’t the same thing. Resilience is our ability to bounce back from adversity. That sounds good, right? But when we bounce back, we land pretty much where we started. As people, we haven’t changed.
Post-traumatic growth is different. After being hurt or broken, we pick up the pieces and reassemble ourselves so that we become more.
What is Trauma?
The evolving definition of trauma states that trauma challenges a person’s “assumptive world:” their belief in how people behave, how the world works, and how their life would unfold.
This means that even if your life or health is not threatened, something can still be traumatic.
The simplest filter? If the event has caused you to question your bedrock assumptions about life, it can be considered trauma. This definition of trauma casts a much wider net, which means that few of us make it through life without experiencing it.
Set Down Your Baggage
As amazing as post-traumatic growth sounds, for some it might feel like a kick in the pants. If you are in a place of feeling battered and bruised – diminished from the person you used to be – and are told that from these hard times you can become even stronger or better… that might look like a mountain that you just can’t climb.
Rather than making you feel hopeful, this knowledge might make you feel worse.
Do your best to kindly and compassionately set down your “should” baggage: your belief that you should recover on a certain timeline or in a certain way. The human heart and psyche are complex entities. Your path to healing might be a complicated dance of stepping forwards and back.
No matter how much you might want to, you cannot muscle your way towards PTG. But you can create more fertile ground to welcome it into your life.
Keeping It Real
Read some articles about PTG and you might think it’s the best thing since sliced bread. It could make you think that experiencing trauma isn’t that big a deal, since you come out ahead in the end. If only, right?
This isn’t a Hollywood set. We are talking about the world we live in, so let’s keep it real.
If we are successful in learning and growing from our trauma, does that mean that we will carry no residual scars? Probably not. It’s very possible that we will heal in some areas and remain vulnerable in others.
If you are in a serious car accident, maybe your growth is that you have greater appreciation for the sweetness of life and you no longer sweat the small stuff. But you might have anxiety around driving and struggle with worry every time your kids get in a car.
Dr. Maria Sirois writes about healing and trauma in her book “A Short Course in Happiness After Loss.” Sirois uses the analogy of kintsugi to describe this process, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by using lacquer mixed with dusted gold. The result has more character and beauty than the original.
A Story of Post-Traumatic Growth
On August 12, 2012 police officers knocked on the door of Robin Cardiges. They reported that her 20-year old son, Steven Cardiges, had overdosed on heroin. Robin learned 
that her son died in the backseat of a car because his three friends were afraid to call 911. At that time, reporting an overdose meant that you were at risk of being arrested as well if you were in possession of drugs.
Robin channeled her grief into making change happen. She helped co-found Georgia Overdose Prevention. They have been active proponents of getting Naloxone, a drug to counteract overdoses, into the hands of people who need it. As of last year, this resulted in 1347 life-saving reversals.
Robin and other mothers also lobbied the Georgia capitol to successfully put Georgia’s Medical Amnesty Law into effect. Users can now call 911 to report an overdose without personal risk. Robin’s post-traumatic growth? Strengthening her voice and advocacy skills to protect the lives of others at risk.
How We Get There
Nurturing PTG is like gardening. You can plant the seeds and nurture the soil. Then you have to be patient and let the growth take place on its own schedule.
Here are the things that you can do to make way for growth, as listed on MindTools.com
- Begin to think positively about the new you – you're at the start of a new stage in life.
- Engage with the world around you and appreciate all the good things that it has to offer.
- Allow yourself time to talk honestly about how you feel, particularly with people who have suffered something similar as you have.
- Reflect on any aspect of your life where your own actions had a negative impact on yourself or others and make positive changes as a result.
- Accept offers of help.
- Help others. Volunteering is a great way to do this.
- Be open to new experiences and opportunities, including new friendships.
- Take on new challenges or learn new skills.
The Power of Cognitive Reframing
Here’s a way to shift your perspective to favor PTG. Cognitive reframing is when you take a situation you see negatively and try to find a more constructive interpretation of what is happening to you.
How do we do this? Thanks to Blaz Kos for this overview. The main three goals of cognitive reframing are:
1. Describe your situation as accurately as possible: Your negative mind loves to see reality darker than it is, especially when something negative happens to you. With cognitive reframing, you want to make sure you see reality as accurately as possible, including all the negatives and positives, but without big cognitive distortions.
2. Illuminate personal power: Just like your mind loves to see the reality darker than it is, it also loves to portray you as less powerful than you really are. With cognitive reframing, you want to accurately understand your ability to cope with the event.
3. Brainstorm alternative views: You want to find better alternative views of what is happening to you. To do this, you need to find something called a redemptive narrative. The redemptive narrative tells the story of a life where tough events also bring something good (with time). To help discover this, ask questions like, "Is there another way to look at this situation?" or, "What are three other possible reasons this could have happened?"
Where We Go From Here
As mentioned in a previous blog, there are many paths to purpose. One of them is channeling traumatic experiences so that you can make a difference in the life of others.
You may find that as you learn from your hard times, you can turn this experience into an inspiration for purpose. There is a lot of power in the personal knowledge you gain by living through a tough time.
If this is something that speaks to you, to connect the dots ask yourself questions such as, “How could this situation have been easier on me?” and then “Could I do this thing for others?” If the answer is yes, maybe this is something that you can contribute to the world.
When considering using life challenges or trauma as a source of purpose, your response might also be, “No, no, a thousand times no.”
You know what I say to that? You have got to do what feels right.
Again, there are many paths to purpose, each one as good as the next. Which one you walk doesn’t matter so much. What matters most is that you find the purpose that speaks to you.
I think that many would agree with Shakespeare’s analogy. Adversity is like an ugly, venomous toad.
When it shows up in our lives, uninvited and unwanted, our best response is to look for the jewel. Through its guidance, we can learn again how to shine.
Enjoying this content? Subscribe to our weekly blog!